Aim For The Target ...

Have you ever tried something so out of your comfort zone that it actually terrifies the life out of you ... where breathing becomes something you have to think about instead of an automatic function? ... Yeah me to!

For those who aren't aware I am currently a third year university student studying Forensic Science & Criminal Investigation, which is kinda cool! We sometimes get amazing opportunities to do things I never in a million years saw myself doing ... this is just one of them!

When the chance to go to a shooting range and be taught how to fire a gun arose i just couldn't say no! I mean how often can you say you got to shoot a rifle am i right?!

At first I was extremely excited by the whole idea, it wasn't until i took hold of the rifle that I genuinely forgot how to breathe and started to panic, my anxiety shot through the roof and no matter how hard I tried to hold the gun and focus on the target I just couldn't do it! It felt like I was drowning and no one was trying to save me! I was about 0.5 seconds away from letting my anxiety take over and just sit and watch, the anxiety was excruciating! It wasn't until the instructor made a suggestion to try it left handed (even though i'm right handed) that it began to ease slightly ...

I wasn't the best by a long shot in fact I was the worst, but I didn't let that stop me! All eyes were on me and I still managed to fight my anxiety head on which wasn't easy ...
Yeah okay maybe i did shoot the roof a couple times ... but who cares right?! I still did it! The hardest part was not actually handling the gun, and was in fact remembering to breathe and not hold my breathe the whole time! After every ten rounds I proudly walked to retrieve my target and was proud of the one or two single shots I'd actually manged to get on the target. 

So shooting is never going to be my calling in life, but who really cares if i missed the target or shot the roof? ... the main thing is that even crippled by anxiety and struggling to breathe i still held my head up high and refused to give in and completed the course! I refused to let any sly dig or remark stop me from trying! It was kinda fun after a while ...

The one thing to take away from this experience is that you are stronger than your mind, and are strong enough to fight it! All of you who suffer from a mental illness will know how hard that can be, especially in front of a crowd of your peers ... 

You don't always have to be the best at everything, that isn't what life is about ... it's about having a go and just being proud of yourself for being one foot forward from where you were the day before!

You all have it within you to stand proud ... You are much stronger than you think! You got this ...



Here are a few shots of the scary things courtesy of my pals, and a few familiar faces to ... (of course health & safety was obeyed at all times!)

Even The Greatest Of Explorers Get Lost...

Have you ever found yourself at that breaking point were you just feel numb? like you need to feel again and don't understand yourself? like you just need to get away from reality and clear your head? ... don't worry, me to!

Endless months of working to make ends meet, fighting uni assignments till they take over, stressing over the future, letting a house from hell lead me down a road of ultimate depression and letting anxiety win to the point where I was overthinking and ruining everything till I didn't recognize myself anymore.... enough was enough!

I needed an escape, a time out, time to heal, time to find myself again, time to feel and most importantly fight to tell myself all of that overthinking was for nothing and that everything is perfect...just my view was clouded!...Kent was exactly the break I needed, nothing says TLC like a long weekend away in a sunny seaside town with humans who love me! ....the most important part was that it put me back in touch with my feelings and cured the numbness....I found me again! I felt a whole range of different emotions.....


I felt thankful to have a Mam who I can also call my best friend, someone who I can go to about anything and someone who'd go to the ends of the earth to help me through anything and make sure I am happy, not a lot of people can say they have that...I am forever grateful that I can!

I felt touched that a community in this day and age are still powerful enough to come together and spread love not hate, love will prevail and evil will not win! More communities need to be this connected and maybe just maybe the world may be somewhere worth living...

I felt like I was back at school in Mr Lalor's History class quietly expressing my passion for history, but this time no one would judge me and instead they'd be keen to listen to my knowledge! Tudor history is my favorite and this old cottage is like a time capsule back to the days of beautiful gowns and fantastic feasts rather than the frail shell of world we are left with today...

I felt at peace, that I could finally just relax and forget about reality for a moment, I was able to allow my mind to be calm and just enjoy my time without being targeted by feelings of edginess and uneasiness...everything was perfect just for a small amount of time! 

I felt like I finally meant something to someone, and that they were proud to have me and show me off! In my time I've been no stranger to people shying away from me and being embarrassed to have me by their side! But finally for the first time it's nice to have someone who will have me just the way I am ...

I felt grateful to have this lil toilet brain in my life, we may fight like cats and dogs but at the end of the day nothing can sever the bond between sisters, not even distance! Whenever this one needs me I will be right there at her call and i'm sure the same goes in reverse, Im so proud of the people we have become...

I felt like I could be special and be me and not be laughed at for having traits beyond my control, for once I was believed when I used my supernatural gift and not made to feel like a clown! Having people around you who are accepting of you no matter what strange talent you are blessed with is the best feeling in the world, being believed makes you feel just that little bit more normal...

I felt so blessed to have people in my life who will stand by me no matter what, even in my darkest days these people will be there to guide me when I can't find my way! Those people are rare and when we find them we have to make sure we do not let go...

I felt like I could let out my inner child for a moment and just have fun, let go of all my responsibilities and things weighing me down and just live in the now! It truly is the place dreams are made of, a beautiful escape from reality...

I felt just so damn lucky!! There is truly no other way to describe it! I am so lucky that I have what I have, family really is everything! 

I felt proud to call him my dad! Not many people can pull of an outfit like that but he manages to, there truly is no one like him! No matter what we throw at him he always manages to jump the hurdle, I couldn't think of a more perfect role model to learn from! 

I felt on top of the world for a split second and that I was capable of anything, nothing is ever impossible! The very word it's self says "I'm Possible", we just have to figure out how to make it so! Life is all about learning...

I felt like I never want this feeling to end! Forever is a long time to stand by someone, but at the same time forever still is not long enough! For the first time in my life i feel genuinely protected and safe, standing by me when I'm such a handful deserves a medal...but i hope it never ends! Please don't ever get sick of me...

I felt like an explorer! Everything was new to me and it was such a fun atmosphere to be in, there is so much out there just waiting to be discovered and I intend to see it all! 

I felt like I belong, i found myself again and where I belong! Family really are a powerful weapon, if you find them you find yourself! I'm blessed with the most amazing family, no we are not perfect but who is? perfect is boring anyways! 

Finally... I felt the happiest I have ever been in my life! It's easy to feel lost and not know what the hell you are doing but when that happens you just have to clear your mind and find direction! with the right people by your side you will find your way again...even the greatest of explorers get lost once in a while!