Have you ever tried something so out of your comfort zone that it actually terrifies the life out of you ... where breathing becomes something you have to think about instead of an automatic function? ... Yeah me to!
For those who aren't aware I am currently a third year university student studying Forensic Science & Criminal Investigation, which is kinda cool! We sometimes get amazing opportunities to do things I never in a million years saw myself doing ... this is just one of them!
When the chance to go to a shooting range and be taught how to fire a gun arose i just couldn't say no! I mean how often can you say you got to shoot a rifle am i right?!
At first I was extremely excited by the whole idea, it wasn't until i took hold of the rifle that I genuinely forgot how to breathe and started to panic, my anxiety shot through the roof and no matter how hard I tried to hold the gun and focus on the target I just couldn't do it! It felt like I was drowning and no one was trying to save me! I was about 0.5 seconds away from letting my anxiety take over and just sit and watch, the anxiety was excruciating! It wasn't until the instructor made a suggestion to try it left handed (even though i'm right handed) that it began to ease slightly ...
I wasn't the best by a long shot in fact I was the worst, but I didn't let that stop me! All eyes were on me and I still managed to fight my anxiety head on which wasn't easy ...
Yeah okay maybe i did shoot the roof a couple times ... but who cares right?! I still did it! The hardest part was not actually handling the gun, and was in fact remembering to breathe and not hold my breathe the whole time! After every ten rounds I proudly walked to retrieve my target and was proud of the one or two single shots I'd actually manged to get on the target.
So shooting is never going to be my calling in life, but who really cares if i missed the target or shot the roof? ... the main thing is that even crippled by anxiety and struggling to breathe i still held my head up high and refused to give in and completed the course! I refused to let any sly dig or remark stop me from trying! It was kinda fun after a while ...
The one thing to take away from this experience is that you are stronger than your mind, and are strong enough to fight it! All of you who suffer from a mental illness will know how hard that can be, especially in front of a crowd of your peers ...
You don't always have to be the best at everything, that isn't what life is about ... it's about having a go and just being proud of yourself for being one foot forward from where you were the day before!
You all have it within you to stand proud ... You are much stronger than you think! You got this ...
Here are a few shots of the scary things courtesy of my pals, and a few familiar faces to ... (of course health & safety was obeyed at all times!)
