Captured Moments ...

What is the one thing you could never ever see yourself doing? ... For me that one thing is being a model! I have zero self confidence, an elephant figure, rather large feet, an awkward face, out of control hair and the stature of a man!! However for some bizarre reason i still managed to find myself in front of a camera ... the things I do for my sister!


Let me introduce you to Chelsea Marie Carr AKA my little sister AKA "Captured Moments"! The whole concept of this shoot was to encapsulate the theme of the 80's, meaning bright bold colours, technology that had seen better days, mad hair and no use of the word blending! However there was one small catch ... I had to model a bright yellow VHS TV! Oh yes you heard me, VHS!! Drop it on your toe and it will probably do more damage to you and the floor than to it's self! 

As out of my comfort zone as the whole thing was, I actually thoroughly enjoyed myself and had a right laugh! Here is how some of the best shots turned out ... 

 My beautiful makeup was done by Torrie, check her out on Instagram "makeupbytorrieee" she's phenomenal! 

Check out captured moments on Instagram "capturedmomentsss" for more of her work! 

Aim For The Target ...

Have you ever tried something so out of your comfort zone that it actually terrifies the life out of you ... where breathing becomes something you have to think about instead of an automatic function? ... Yeah me to!

For those who aren't aware I am currently a third year university student studying Forensic Science & Criminal Investigation, which is kinda cool! We sometimes get amazing opportunities to do things I never in a million years saw myself doing ... this is just one of them!

When the chance to go to a shooting range and be taught how to fire a gun arose i just couldn't say no! I mean how often can you say you got to shoot a rifle am i right?!

At first I was extremely excited by the whole idea, it wasn't until i took hold of the rifle that I genuinely forgot how to breathe and started to panic, my anxiety shot through the roof and no matter how hard I tried to hold the gun and focus on the target I just couldn't do it! It felt like I was drowning and no one was trying to save me! I was about 0.5 seconds away from letting my anxiety take over and just sit and watch, the anxiety was excruciating! It wasn't until the instructor made a suggestion to try it left handed (even though i'm right handed) that it began to ease slightly ...

I wasn't the best by a long shot in fact I was the worst, but I didn't let that stop me! All eyes were on me and I still managed to fight my anxiety head on which wasn't easy ...
Yeah okay maybe i did shoot the roof a couple times ... but who cares right?! I still did it! The hardest part was not actually handling the gun, and was in fact remembering to breathe and not hold my breathe the whole time! After every ten rounds I proudly walked to retrieve my target and was proud of the one or two single shots I'd actually manged to get on the target. 

So shooting is never going to be my calling in life, but who really cares if i missed the target or shot the roof? ... the main thing is that even crippled by anxiety and struggling to breathe i still held my head up high and refused to give in and completed the course! I refused to let any sly dig or remark stop me from trying! It was kinda fun after a while ...

The one thing to take away from this experience is that you are stronger than your mind, and are strong enough to fight it! All of you who suffer from a mental illness will know how hard that can be, especially in front of a crowd of your peers ... 

You don't always have to be the best at everything, that isn't what life is about ... it's about having a go and just being proud of yourself for being one foot forward from where you were the day before!

You all have it within you to stand proud ... You are much stronger than you think! You got this ...



Here are a few shots of the scary things courtesy of my pals, and a few familiar faces to ... (of course health & safety was obeyed at all times!)

18 Things For 2018 ...

Okay so I'm well aware that it's like February already and that this post is wayyyyy over due,  also that I've vanished off the face of the earth for a long time now!! But there's no time like the present I guess right? ... seen as it's 2018 I decided to sit down and think of 18 things I'm either doing, want to do or will continue to do in 2018, so without further a do here they are!!


New York

I still can't believe this is happening ... but I've been lucky enough to be accepted onto a University Trip of a life time, to New Haven's Henry Lee Institute!! June is going to be an absolute blast gaining ballistics experience and exploring one of the busiest cities in the world! Passport at the ready, visa bought, travel pass waiting for me and shopping in progress ... excited isn't the word!! New York City with my best friend on one arm and my boyfriend on the other ... I can't wait!! 


Keep Being Me

Overtime there will be so many people you meet who shape you and make you who you are, however there are individuals who can negatively change you! Only I know who I truly am and who I truly want to be, I plan to keep being true to myself and not change to suit anyone's requirements! The right people will love me for who I am ... and those are the people who truly count!


Save 50p and £5 notes ...

Let's face it It's England rainy days happen a lot!! There's nothing worse than sitting at home when the rain is pattering on the glass, you're in the mood for a Domino's, Netflix, Ice Cream and PJ's in bed kinda day but you ain't got no dollar!! That's why this year i'm planning to feed my little piggy bank with all my shiny 50p's and £5 notes, It's exciting not knowing what the total will be at the end of the year, here's to all the rainy days yet to come!


Live In The Now

I am 100% one of those people who spends the majority of their time worrying about what could happen in the future, and all of the mistakes I've made in the past! Trust me it's not a good way to live and it can actually break a person, it does on a daily basis! I want to try to work on living in the present and not waste time dwelling over things I can't control, fingers crossed this will work out!


Graduation 

Three years at University has truly flown by and is very nearly over, graduation is just around the corner and nothing has scared me more! All the hard work leads up to this point, i'm hoping I can pass this degree and say I've done it! I want to make myself and my family proud ... I got this!


Plan For The Future

Life after University genuinely terrifies me and does keep me awake at night, everything I've known for three years is going to change and I'm not sure if i'm ready for that! One step in the right direction is my Masters course, hopefully I will finally get on the path I've always desired and become the writer I know I can be! Not having my friends beds to climb into when I'm feeling low or make me laugh when it's been a long day is gonna be so hard to adjust to and a lot of tears will be shed! But visiting them as they get on with their lives will always be a pleasure! The hardest sacrifice will be not seeing my boyfriend as often, It's gonna be heart breaking but shaping ourselves to fit the adult world is something we have to do! The possibility of him having to move far away from me in search of work while I finish my Masters is pretty much inevitable, but I will be so proud of him for it!! CSI isn't an easy work to find and you have to go where the job is, but joining him after my masters keeps me smiling! Skype, Phone calls, Texts, visits, long distance can and will work ... we will make it work and I'll be there for him every step of the way! He is the best CSI i know, and any force will be so lucky to have him! 


Be Strong

I am by far one of the most emotional humans you will ever meet, the slightest little thing upsets me it's legit crazy! But I now have the right tools and strategies to give myself some tough loving and develop a stronger side, it ain't gonna be easy but hopefully I will reach my goal!


Work On YouTube

Youuuuuuuuuuutube!! Man i love my channel and I miss it so so much! my course at the moment is in it's final stages and is to full on to be able to film right now, I will forever be Life Through A Lens and trust me I will be back at it as soon as all of this is over! Summer will be my come back and I can't wait!! Stay tuned guys ... thank you for being so patient!


The Vamps Tour

Yaaaaaaassss!! so it's nearly that time of year again ... VAMPS TOUR! I can't wait to eat insane amounts of junk food, share beds way to small, eat domino's at 1am, dance with my friends and make more amazing memories! Tour is one of the happiest times of year for me, I love every single second and I can't thank The Vamps enough for the life they have shaped for me just by touring, I miss all my friends so so much! ... I can't wait!! 

Publishing Masters

This one is something I never thought I'd have the guts to pursue!! Since I was young I've had a passion for writing I've just always had to put it on the back burner which isn't fair nor right, I'm planning to change that! Finally I will get the chance to be the writer I've always wanted to be, it's hella scary because it's all so new, but it's the one thing I can see myself doing for the rest of my life and being happy doing! Here's hoping I can make it ...


My Relationship

This may sound cringe or cliche but honestly I never thought I'd ever find someone I'd care about this much ever! I truly love this boy like I've never loved anyone before, that's so scary but also so amazing! He's the one person who makes me truly happy and makes me feel safe, I never want to lose him and want to be by his side no matter where his job takes him! Life after Uni is gonna be hella hard but fate will make everything fall into place! I'm not one that likes to plan the future as I truly believe in spontaneity, there's so much we both plan to do especially travel! As long as were by each others sides that's all I wish for ... the rest will fit into place all on it's own, fate has a beautiful way of making that happen! 


Put Myself Out Of My Comfort Zone

I have this underlying rule that life was given to us to use to the full, not to sit on a couch where it's comfortable 24/7 and never feel your heart race! I've done so many things I never in a million years imagined me doing and I plan to continue that, there is no better feeling than achieving something you didn't think you could do! I want to continue to push myself to see exactly what I can overcome and surprise myself with things I love to do but just didn't know! There's so much out there to see and do ... I wanna give it my best shot!!


Live Life The Way I Want To

There is nothing worse than being told what you can and can't do, just because something is the easy route doesn't mean it's the one you HAVE to take!! If you want something enough go out and get it! I have my aspirations and I plan to go after them, my Masters is the first step in that direction! ... It's quite exciting shaping my own little life! 


Stick To A Skincare Routine

Okay so this one is a bit of a weird one ... but I have this bad habit of getting into a skincare routine that seems to work but then become to lazy to copy it every day! For Christmas my boyfriend's parents were kind enough to give me some of the Liz Earle skin care products, and honestly i was blown away! They are the best things I have ever used on my skin and work like a charm, my skin isn't great and has better days than others but I want to work on that! It's time to look after my skin and hopefully fix it! P.S i highly recommend the Liz Earle range!!

Continue To Support The Vamps

The Vamps ... If you know me then you know we come together like peanut butter and jelly! Supporting them is something I love to do, I've grown up as they have and they've become a part of me! They've helped me and done so much for me, so much that Thank You isn't even enough! Even as I grow up I will continue to support them and that will never change, It's who I am and the people I love still love me despite that, in fact they love them to! 


Accept Criticism

No one likes criticism whether it's constructive or not, It's easy to feel like people are out to get you even when they are simply just there to help you! I will hold my hands up and say I don't take criticism to well, I am aware of that! I want to learn to be more open to what others have to say and see if it has any weight to it before jumping to conclusions, sure sometimes people are just causing shit but other times they are being genuine! I plan to listen to people more to distinguish between the two and to help myself develop into a better person!


Travel!!

There is so much out there to see and explore and so many things to try, i believe life isn't meant to be lived in one place! I have a long list of places I want to visit, they are all so beautiful, I want to write about each and every one and vlog them! The experiences will be life changing and so perfect ... hopefully one day I can do it all!


Make Memories 

Finally, I just want to make memories! they are the things that will live on for years to come and make you smile every time you think of them, good memories cannot be tainted! That is what life is about having fun and making memories that will stick with you forever!

Even The Greatest Of Explorers Get Lost...

Have you ever found yourself at that breaking point were you just feel numb? like you need to feel again and don't understand yourself? like you just need to get away from reality and clear your head? ... don't worry, me to!

Endless months of working to make ends meet, fighting uni assignments till they take over, stressing over the future, letting a house from hell lead me down a road of ultimate depression and letting anxiety win to the point where I was overthinking and ruining everything till I didn't recognize myself anymore.... enough was enough!

I needed an escape, a time out, time to heal, time to find myself again, time to feel and most importantly fight to tell myself all of that overthinking was for nothing and that everything is perfect...just my view was clouded!...Kent was exactly the break I needed, nothing says TLC like a long weekend away in a sunny seaside town with humans who love me! ....the most important part was that it put me back in touch with my feelings and cured the numbness....I found me again! I felt a whole range of different emotions.....


I felt thankful to have a Mam who I can also call my best friend, someone who I can go to about anything and someone who'd go to the ends of the earth to help me through anything and make sure I am happy, not a lot of people can say they have that...I am forever grateful that I can!

I felt touched that a community in this day and age are still powerful enough to come together and spread love not hate, love will prevail and evil will not win! More communities need to be this connected and maybe just maybe the world may be somewhere worth living...

I felt like I was back at school in Mr Lalor's History class quietly expressing my passion for history, but this time no one would judge me and instead they'd be keen to listen to my knowledge! Tudor history is my favorite and this old cottage is like a time capsule back to the days of beautiful gowns and fantastic feasts rather than the frail shell of world we are left with today...

I felt at peace, that I could finally just relax and forget about reality for a moment, I was able to allow my mind to be calm and just enjoy my time without being targeted by feelings of edginess and uneasiness...everything was perfect just for a small amount of time! 

I felt like I finally meant something to someone, and that they were proud to have me and show me off! In my time I've been no stranger to people shying away from me and being embarrassed to have me by their side! But finally for the first time it's nice to have someone who will have me just the way I am ...

I felt grateful to have this lil toilet brain in my life, we may fight like cats and dogs but at the end of the day nothing can sever the bond between sisters, not even distance! Whenever this one needs me I will be right there at her call and i'm sure the same goes in reverse, Im so proud of the people we have become...

I felt like I could be special and be me and not be laughed at for having traits beyond my control, for once I was believed when I used my supernatural gift and not made to feel like a clown! Having people around you who are accepting of you no matter what strange talent you are blessed with is the best feeling in the world, being believed makes you feel just that little bit more normal...

I felt so blessed to have people in my life who will stand by me no matter what, even in my darkest days these people will be there to guide me when I can't find my way! Those people are rare and when we find them we have to make sure we do not let go...

I felt like I could let out my inner child for a moment and just have fun, let go of all my responsibilities and things weighing me down and just live in the now! It truly is the place dreams are made of, a beautiful escape from reality...

I felt just so damn lucky!! There is truly no other way to describe it! I am so lucky that I have what I have, family really is everything! 

I felt proud to call him my dad! Not many people can pull of an outfit like that but he manages to, there truly is no one like him! No matter what we throw at him he always manages to jump the hurdle, I couldn't think of a more perfect role model to learn from! 

I felt on top of the world for a split second and that I was capable of anything, nothing is ever impossible! The very word it's self says "I'm Possible", we just have to figure out how to make it so! Life is all about learning...

I felt like I never want this feeling to end! Forever is a long time to stand by someone, but at the same time forever still is not long enough! For the first time in my life i feel genuinely protected and safe, standing by me when I'm such a handful deserves a medal...but i hope it never ends! Please don't ever get sick of me...

I felt like an explorer! Everything was new to me and it was such a fun atmosphere to be in, there is so much out there just waiting to be discovered and I intend to see it all! 

I felt like I belong, i found myself again and where I belong! Family really are a powerful weapon, if you find them you find yourself! I'm blessed with the most amazing family, no we are not perfect but who is? perfect is boring anyways! 

Finally... I felt the happiest I have ever been in my life! It's easy to feel lost and not know what the hell you are doing but when that happens you just have to clear your mind and find direction! with the right people by your side you will find your way again...even the greatest of explorers get lost once in a while! 

5 Ways To Personalize Your Bedroom...

For me my bedroom is my sanctuary and one of my favorite places to just lay down and relax, a bedroom is somewhere you should be able to come back to at the end of a long day and feel truly at home! ...Which is why I love to spend time decorating it! There are so many unique and creative ways you can personalize your bedroom space to make it true to you and reflect your personality, here are 5 ways to express your own individuality and get decorating...


1) Photographs

The phrase "A picture paints a thousand words" is something I highly agree with which is why the main feature of my bedroom is a photo wall, I love the concept of looking at a photograph and being able to tell the story behind it and relive the amazing memories. Photographs have powerful ways of bringing around good vibes whenever you see them and making you smile, I believe everyone should at least have a few photographs around to keep you going. So....choose your favorite photographs with your favorite people, head on down to your local Boots, Asda or wherever can cater to your photo printing needs and create your photo wall or hang them up if you prefer....I promise it will make you smile! 


2) Tags

If I told you that package tags are cute and quirky you'd call me crazy right?....Well let's see if I can prove you wrong! Get your hands on some brown package tags, choose your favorite song quotes, write them on the tags and hang them up. This adds individuality as the lyrics will be specific to your music taste and mean something too you every time you look at them!

3) Fairy Lights

Everyone is raving about fairy lights am I right?....If you head on down to your local shopping centre so many different shops will be selling them in a variety of different, colours, sizes and shapes meaning you can choose something to suit you. Fairy lights add a relaxing mood to your room as it allows you to dim your lights and not have to suffer with the harsh light of the light bulb all the time. Get your hands on a design you love and wrap them round your bed frame to create a super cute mood tailored to you!

4) Quotes And Sayings 

This day and age nearly every item in the home ware department will feature some kind of inspirational quote and I just cant get enough of them!! On days where you feel down or your just not having a good day waking up to an inspirational quote is very powerful as it can change your whole train of thought, this is something I highly recommend having around. Be sure to choose a quote that you can relate to on a personal level meaning it will mean something to you and make you happy every time you see it, everything from plaques to cushions can feature quotes making it easy to find something that suits you! 

5) Initialed Accessories

Now I don't know about you but I can't think of a better way to add a personal touch to your room than using your own initials, luckily there are currently tons of different suppliers that can help you out. Anything and everything from cushions, lamps, blocks and stationery can be found in the shape of letters meaning you can choose something to fit well with your room. Choose your favourite product, buy your first and second initial and add a personal touch to your room that's 100% unique to you! 

It's Okay To Not Be Okay...

Mental Health.... alone these words don't stand as something to ominous or serious, they are just two words. Mental... well that's used to describe someone when they do something silly or they make you laugh you'll say "you're mental" or you think of a character from a movie that you'll never have to face. Health... you think of doctors, you think treatable, you think of something like an illness you can get some pills for and it will never bother you again....but put those words together and you create one of the scariest phrases.... Mental Health....it's a whole new meaning!

Mental Health issues are one of the most misunderstood medical conditions out there as looks are deceiving, they always say don't judge a book by it's cover and i highly believe this applies here! Just because someone seems happy on the outside doesn't mean inside they are not falling apart it just means that they are strong enough to show a brave face, strong enough to face the world even though they feel like it's always against them!

Doctors, Councillors and various other individuals seem to paint mental health disorders as something you can just sit down talk about and hey presto it's magically dealt with and vanished, however this is very much not the case! Sometimes we just learn to live with it and develop our own way of coping that no therapy can offer us, but this does not mean that every single day is easy.....It's okay to not be okay! 

I know all to well how this feels, i know what it's like to go through hell and dedicate a lot of your time to therapy and various other methods for it all to just come crashing down and be thrown back in your face! For a long period of time you feel great about life again you feel like you've accomplished something and feel inspired by the journey you've been on and truly believe you've managed to get your life back on track, then all of a sudden you find yourself back at square one just in the flip of one single second! 

You're probably wondering why the hell I'm bothering writing this or what on earth I'm blabbering on about....well let me tell you! Battling my own mental health is something I have to do on a daily basis, I myself completed a course of therapy and left feeling positive about my life and a changed person and managed to change the lives of a lot of other people by bringing them positivity and always being there with something positive to say to get them through all the hard times. I managed about a full year in a positive frame of mind, of course I had days where I'd crash but I was lucky enough to not have an extensive breakdown....but now I've noticed that even the most positive of people can run out of positivity one day. I managed a whole year or so with just a few minor issues I was able to control but lately things have spiraled and dropped me back at square one again, because of this I've realized it's okay to not be okay!! It's okay to hold your hands up and ask for help and admit you can't do it anymore, it's okay to scream and cry! but the most important thing to remember is don't give up and you are not alone!

The message of this blog post is not a sop story and it's not for sympathy, its to highlight to people out there who are also going through a tough time and are also suffering, I know how you feel! It scares me highly to be back at rock bottom again but as long as you believe and as long as you have the strength and support you will be okay I promise! holding your hands up to your issues is not a sign of weakness, its a sign or strength and together we will come out on top! 

I've probably confused/bored a lot of you but there will be some individuals among you who can relate, and to those who can we are all here for you! You are loved and you will come out on top, together we can battle mental health and together we will stand up to it and be strong....Just remember it's okay to not be okay!!

LIFE DOESN'T GET EASIER....YOU JUST GET STRONGER! 

How To Write A Personal Statement...

If i counted the amount of times this summer I've had someone come to me either in tears or highly stressed about personal statements I'd honestly be rich, as a university second year I've already had to go through this ordeal.....got the T-shirt and the battle scars to prove it! 

Writing one isn't an easy task and teachers or lecturers will be grilling you 24/7 about starting one and what to include, what not to include, the word count and blah blah blah! This will probably leave you screaming for help and ready to pull your own hair out, don't worry it went in one ear and out the other for me to! but.....WORRY NO MORE MY FRIENDS! get a cuppa, take a seat, get a notepad and take a few notes as I am here to help you out! Here is everything you need to know about writing a personal statement.....HERE WE GOOOOOOO! 

To Start.....the opening of your personal statement is key! A powerful opening statement sets you up for a great follow on and will grab the attention of the reader or in this case the person deciding whether or not to offer you a place. If your stuck for a powerful opener try and link it to why you want to study the course you have chosen, this will make you look keen and will get straight to the point and cut out all the jibber jabber or sop stories which trust me they will have 1000 and odd of....the key is to stand out!

Things To Mention.... within your statement try to include specific parts of the course that excite you, be that the facilities or a topic as this will show that you have done your research on the course you wish to study which makes you a great candidate! Just a little side note....if your going to include topics make sure it is relevant to every course you are applying to, therefore make it generic. 

Follow this up with....remember that all important work experience that you didn't really want to do but everyone told you it would come in handy? yep this is where it does! Once you've talked about the course slip in any work experience you have completed that relates to the course you are applying for, talk about the skills it gave you in respect to the course and how they will benefit your studies. If you have completed any taster days be sure to mention that as it will show inspiration from something the university has arranged. 

Be sure to include....mention what you are currently studying be that at college or sixth form and explain how this relates to the course you wish to apply for. 

Now I am well aware this may still sound very very daunting so let me break it down for you further....

- Identify the area of study you wish to go into
- Select 5 universities to apply for
- Research similarities between the course (this will help you with your statement)
- Begin your statement!!
- Powerful opening line (Why you want to study this course)
- Parts of the course you are looking forward to or interest you- Relevant work experience 
- What you currently study and how it links to the course your applying for

Personal statements have a word count, it is highly important that you do not go over the limit, check with your tutor, lecturer or teacher to find out what this will be. I found it easier to write all of my statement out regardless of the word count then condense it down to fit, but which ever method works for you stick to! Try your best not to waffle try to be straight to the point, and remember do not include a sop story as it will take up all of your word count and get you nowhere!

I hope that this was beneficial to at least one of you! Try not to panic about it to much.....i wrote my personal statement 10 times before I got it perfect! Finally....to all of you applying to university....good luck and I hope you get accepted to your first choice!!