Dr Henry.C.Lee Institute ...

Have you ever had an experience so incredible, that to this day the fact it actually took place still hasn't sunk in? ... for me the Henry.C.Lee Institute was one of those experiences! 

For those who are not aware Dr Henry Lee is the worlds No.1 Forensic Scientist, having worked on many high profile cases such as JonBenet Ramsay and O.J. Simpson. 

As someone who's recently graduated with a Bsc in Forensic Science and Criminal Investigation, the opportunity to be taught at such a world renowned Institution was an enormous deal for me!  To go one step better ... we were to be taught by none other than Dr Lee himself! 

The whole course lasted for one week and focused on the art of Firearms Reconstructions. We were given a mixture of classroom based tutorials, and practical sessions both in a laboratory setting and on the open firearms range. Not only were we being taught by professionals in the field, but we were also lucky enough to be taking the course alongside individuals of high authority such as the New Haven Police Department. 

In regards to Dr Lee he was actually far from what I expected! Being a man of such high authority within the Forensic's world and having a skill set so highly desired, I expected his demeanor to be somewhat smug and slightly arrogant.  However I was pleasantly surprised and 100% proved wrong! Although he was to be addressed as Dr Lee and his verdict and say stood above that of others, he was also very friendly to all participants of the course! He was able to interact with us and crack jokes rather than always being so serious! We were also given T-shirts from his institute, took photographs with him, received signed postcards and even managed to get some autographed books! The skills learnt and witnessed over that week were something that could never be taught to us within an English University setting, they are highly valuable to all that participated and were a once in a life time opportunity! The things Dr Lee had done and the knowledge he has was incredible, every single person looked up to him and it truly was an experience like no other! 

I feel incredibly lucky to have been selected to seize this opportunity, I want to thank all those who either made it possible or was involved with my experience! It truly was something I will never forget, and there will never be enough words for the Thank You's or to explain truly how amazing it all was ...

New York Yankees ...

Now I don't know about you guys but I've watched many American movies in my time, and they have all taught me one thing ... American's sure do love their sports!! Particularly that of Baseball, they go crazy for it! So when in America we decided there was only one thing to do, check out all the hype surrounding the sport, embrace our titles as tourists and follow our new found Americaness! 

Starting location; New Haven ... a long two hour drive later and we arrived at none other than thee Yankee Stadium! Security at the stadium was on a level I had never seen before in the UK, the police presence was extremely heavy! Whole roads were shut down, each officer held enormous fully loaded firearms and flashing lights could be seen in every direction! Im not gonna lie to ya it all made me feel kinda uneasy and constantly on edge, but I guess it was reassuring to know safety was taken seriously. However I will never be happy about having to bin my suncream on the first day... £14.99 that P20 cost me!! I was highly devastated!

So sports ain't really my thing, I'll be honest with you I wasn't exactly sure what was going on at first! Using my knowledge of Baseball from watching High School Musical, a comparison to English rounders and a full debriefing from J, I got the hang of it in the end! Strangely even if you don't have a damn clue what's happening, it is still one of the most amazing experiences! From fast food stalls, Bars and gift shops, Yankee Stadium really does have it all! Armed with a free pint, chicken strips, my best friend on one side and my boyfriend on the other everything felt perfect! With smiles all round, no cares in the world and everyone shouting "Chicken Bucket", it was a night I will never forget!

New York City ...

Wednesday 13th June 2018

Imagine this ... the temperature is approximately one million and odd degrees, and JFK arrivals is absolutely rammed with holiday makers all rushing around! Then out of nowhere a group of eight Englishmen with no clue in hell where they are going stampede through, all attempting to control suitcases way bigger than themselves! The smallest runs off in search of an ATM and another darts for 'Dunkin' Donuts' ... IT WAS CARNAGE!! Can you tell this was our first time? ... really? What gave it away?!

Running on only a few hours sleep and stiff from the seven hour flight, the excitement began to ooze through our veins! After all those months of waiting and preparation it was finally happening, we were in New York! However our first destination was actually New Haven, CT for a week, but we knew we'd be back very soon to take New York by storm! 

The 2 hour drive from JFK airport to our accommodation in New Haven, gave me an insight into what NYC had to offer. It was somewhere I had dreamed of going for such a long time, and to finally be there in the flesh was so overwhelming! In that short amount of time NYC exceeded my expectations, displaying everything I had expected from such a beautiful city and more! Every aspect was perfect from the old fashioned yellow school buses just like those in "Recess", to the beautifully quaint houses standing proudly down every street, cars larger than most back home and the vast array of drinks and snacks at every gas station, most of which I'd never even heard of! All of this added to the hype that was already filling up inside of me, I had never felt excitement quite like it! I just knew this was going to be a trip to remember ...

Captured Moments ...

What is the one thing you could never ever see yourself doing? ... For me that one thing is being a model! I have zero self confidence, an elephant figure, rather large feet, an awkward face, out of control hair and the stature of a man!! However for some bizarre reason i still managed to find myself in front of a camera ... the things I do for my sister!


Let me introduce you to Chelsea Marie Carr AKA my little sister AKA "Captured Moments"! The whole concept of this shoot was to encapsulate the theme of the 80's, meaning bright bold colours, technology that had seen better days, mad hair and no use of the word blending! However there was one small catch ... I had to model a bright yellow VHS TV! Oh yes you heard me, VHS!! Drop it on your toe and it will probably do more damage to you and the floor than to it's self! 

As out of my comfort zone as the whole thing was, I actually thoroughly enjoyed myself and had a right laugh! Here is how some of the best shots turned out ... 

 My beautiful makeup was done by Torrie, check her out on Instagram "makeupbytorrieee" she's phenomenal! 

Check out captured moments on Instagram "capturedmomentsss" for more of her work! 

Aim For The Target ...

Have you ever tried something so out of your comfort zone that it actually terrifies the life out of you ... where breathing becomes something you have to think about instead of an automatic function? ... Yeah me to!

For those who aren't aware I am currently a third year university student studying Forensic Science & Criminal Investigation, which is kinda cool! We sometimes get amazing opportunities to do things I never in a million years saw myself doing ... this is just one of them!

When the chance to go to a shooting range and be taught how to fire a gun arose i just couldn't say no! I mean how often can you say you got to shoot a rifle am i right?!

At first I was extremely excited by the whole idea, it wasn't until i took hold of the rifle that I genuinely forgot how to breathe and started to panic, my anxiety shot through the roof and no matter how hard I tried to hold the gun and focus on the target I just couldn't do it! It felt like I was drowning and no one was trying to save me! I was about 0.5 seconds away from letting my anxiety take over and just sit and watch, the anxiety was excruciating! It wasn't until the instructor made a suggestion to try it left handed (even though i'm right handed) that it began to ease slightly ...

I wasn't the best by a long shot in fact I was the worst, but I didn't let that stop me! All eyes were on me and I still managed to fight my anxiety head on which wasn't easy ...
Yeah okay maybe i did shoot the roof a couple times ... but who cares right?! I still did it! The hardest part was not actually handling the gun, and was in fact remembering to breathe and not hold my breathe the whole time! After every ten rounds I proudly walked to retrieve my target and was proud of the one or two single shots I'd actually manged to get on the target. 

So shooting is never going to be my calling in life, but who really cares if i missed the target or shot the roof? ... the main thing is that even crippled by anxiety and struggling to breathe i still held my head up high and refused to give in and completed the course! I refused to let any sly dig or remark stop me from trying! It was kinda fun after a while ...

The one thing to take away from this experience is that you are stronger than your mind, and are strong enough to fight it! All of you who suffer from a mental illness will know how hard that can be, especially in front of a crowd of your peers ... 

You don't always have to be the best at everything, that isn't what life is about ... it's about having a go and just being proud of yourself for being one foot forward from where you were the day before!

You all have it within you to stand proud ... You are much stronger than you think! You got this ...



Here are a few shots of the scary things courtesy of my pals, and a few familiar faces to ... (of course health & safety was obeyed at all times!)

18 Things For 2018 ...

Okay so I'm well aware that it's like February already and that this post is wayyyyy over due,  also that I've vanished off the face of the earth for a long time now!! But there's no time like the present I guess right? ... seen as it's 2018 I decided to sit down and think of 18 things I'm either doing, want to do or will continue to do in 2018, so without further a do here they are!!


New York

I still can't believe this is happening ... but I've been lucky enough to be accepted onto a University Trip of a life time, to New Haven's Henry Lee Institute!! June is going to be an absolute blast gaining ballistics experience and exploring one of the busiest cities in the world! Passport at the ready, visa bought, travel pass waiting for me and shopping in progress ... excited isn't the word!! New York City with my best friend on one arm and my boyfriend on the other ... I can't wait!! 


Keep Being Me

Overtime there will be so many people you meet who shape you and make you who you are, however there are individuals who can negatively change you! Only I know who I truly am and who I truly want to be, I plan to keep being true to myself and not change to suit anyone's requirements! The right people will love me for who I am ... and those are the people who truly count!


Save 50p and £5 notes ...

Let's face it It's England rainy days happen a lot!! There's nothing worse than sitting at home when the rain is pattering on the glass, you're in the mood for a Domino's, Netflix, Ice Cream and PJ's in bed kinda day but you ain't got no dollar!! That's why this year i'm planning to feed my little piggy bank with all my shiny 50p's and £5 notes, It's exciting not knowing what the total will be at the end of the year, here's to all the rainy days yet to come!


Live In The Now

I am 100% one of those people who spends the majority of their time worrying about what could happen in the future, and all of the mistakes I've made in the past! Trust me it's not a good way to live and it can actually break a person, it does on a daily basis! I want to try to work on living in the present and not waste time dwelling over things I can't control, fingers crossed this will work out!


Graduation 

Three years at University has truly flown by and is very nearly over, graduation is just around the corner and nothing has scared me more! All the hard work leads up to this point, i'm hoping I can pass this degree and say I've done it! I want to make myself and my family proud ... I got this!


Plan For The Future

Life after University genuinely terrifies me and does keep me awake at night, everything I've known for three years is going to change and I'm not sure if i'm ready for that! One step in the right direction is my Masters course, hopefully I will finally get on the path I've always desired and become the writer I know I can be! Not having my friends beds to climb into when I'm feeling low or make me laugh when it's been a long day is gonna be so hard to adjust to and a lot of tears will be shed! But visiting them as they get on with their lives will always be a pleasure! The hardest sacrifice will be not seeing my boyfriend as often, It's gonna be heart breaking but shaping ourselves to fit the adult world is something we have to do! The possibility of him having to move far away from me in search of work while I finish my Masters is pretty much inevitable, but I will be so proud of him for it!! CSI isn't an easy work to find and you have to go where the job is, but joining him after my masters keeps me smiling! Skype, Phone calls, Texts, visits, long distance can and will work ... we will make it work and I'll be there for him every step of the way! He is the best CSI i know, and any force will be so lucky to have him! 


Be Strong

I am by far one of the most emotional humans you will ever meet, the slightest little thing upsets me it's legit crazy! But I now have the right tools and strategies to give myself some tough loving and develop a stronger side, it ain't gonna be easy but hopefully I will reach my goal!


Work On YouTube

Youuuuuuuuuuutube!! Man i love my channel and I miss it so so much! my course at the moment is in it's final stages and is to full on to be able to film right now, I will forever be Life Through A Lens and trust me I will be back at it as soon as all of this is over! Summer will be my come back and I can't wait!! Stay tuned guys ... thank you for being so patient!


The Vamps Tour

Yaaaaaaassss!! so it's nearly that time of year again ... VAMPS TOUR! I can't wait to eat insane amounts of junk food, share beds way to small, eat domino's at 1am, dance with my friends and make more amazing memories! Tour is one of the happiest times of year for me, I love every single second and I can't thank The Vamps enough for the life they have shaped for me just by touring, I miss all my friends so so much! ... I can't wait!! 

Publishing Masters

This one is something I never thought I'd have the guts to pursue!! Since I was young I've had a passion for writing I've just always had to put it on the back burner which isn't fair nor right, I'm planning to change that! Finally I will get the chance to be the writer I've always wanted to be, it's hella scary because it's all so new, but it's the one thing I can see myself doing for the rest of my life and being happy doing! Here's hoping I can make it ...


My Relationship

This may sound cringe or cliche but honestly I never thought I'd ever find someone I'd care about this much ever! I truly love this boy like I've never loved anyone before, that's so scary but also so amazing! He's the one person who makes me truly happy and makes me feel safe, I never want to lose him and want to be by his side no matter where his job takes him! Life after Uni is gonna be hella hard but fate will make everything fall into place! I'm not one that likes to plan the future as I truly believe in spontaneity, there's so much we both plan to do especially travel! As long as were by each others sides that's all I wish for ... the rest will fit into place all on it's own, fate has a beautiful way of making that happen! 


Put Myself Out Of My Comfort Zone

I have this underlying rule that life was given to us to use to the full, not to sit on a couch where it's comfortable 24/7 and never feel your heart race! I've done so many things I never in a million years imagined me doing and I plan to continue that, there is no better feeling than achieving something you didn't think you could do! I want to continue to push myself to see exactly what I can overcome and surprise myself with things I love to do but just didn't know! There's so much out there to see and do ... I wanna give it my best shot!!


Live Life The Way I Want To

There is nothing worse than being told what you can and can't do, just because something is the easy route doesn't mean it's the one you HAVE to take!! If you want something enough go out and get it! I have my aspirations and I plan to go after them, my Masters is the first step in that direction! ... It's quite exciting shaping my own little life! 


Stick To A Skincare Routine

Okay so this one is a bit of a weird one ... but I have this bad habit of getting into a skincare routine that seems to work but then become to lazy to copy it every day! For Christmas my boyfriend's parents were kind enough to give me some of the Liz Earle skin care products, and honestly i was blown away! They are the best things I have ever used on my skin and work like a charm, my skin isn't great and has better days than others but I want to work on that! It's time to look after my skin and hopefully fix it! P.S i highly recommend the Liz Earle range!!

Continue To Support The Vamps

The Vamps ... If you know me then you know we come together like peanut butter and jelly! Supporting them is something I love to do, I've grown up as they have and they've become a part of me! They've helped me and done so much for me, so much that Thank You isn't even enough! Even as I grow up I will continue to support them and that will never change, It's who I am and the people I love still love me despite that, in fact they love them to! 


Accept Criticism

No one likes criticism whether it's constructive or not, It's easy to feel like people are out to get you even when they are simply just there to help you! I will hold my hands up and say I don't take criticism to well, I am aware of that! I want to learn to be more open to what others have to say and see if it has any weight to it before jumping to conclusions, sure sometimes people are just causing shit but other times they are being genuine! I plan to listen to people more to distinguish between the two and to help myself develop into a better person!


Travel!!

There is so much out there to see and explore and so many things to try, i believe life isn't meant to be lived in one place! I have a long list of places I want to visit, they are all so beautiful, I want to write about each and every one and vlog them! The experiences will be life changing and so perfect ... hopefully one day I can do it all!


Make Memories 

Finally, I just want to make memories! they are the things that will live on for years to come and make you smile every time you think of them, good memories cannot be tainted! That is what life is about having fun and making memories that will stick with you forever!

Even The Greatest Of Explorers Get Lost...

Have you ever found yourself at that breaking point were you just feel numb? like you need to feel again and don't understand yourself? like you just need to get away from reality and clear your head? ... don't worry, me to!

Endless months of working to make ends meet, fighting uni assignments till they take over, stressing over the future, letting a house from hell lead me down a road of ultimate depression and letting anxiety win to the point where I was overthinking and ruining everything till I didn't recognize myself anymore.... enough was enough!

I needed an escape, a time out, time to heal, time to find myself again, time to feel and most importantly fight to tell myself all of that overthinking was for nothing and that everything is perfect...just my view was clouded!...Kent was exactly the break I needed, nothing says TLC like a long weekend away in a sunny seaside town with humans who love me! ....the most important part was that it put me back in touch with my feelings and cured the numbness....I found me again! I felt a whole range of different emotions.....


I felt thankful to have a Mam who I can also call my best friend, someone who I can go to about anything and someone who'd go to the ends of the earth to help me through anything and make sure I am happy, not a lot of people can say they have that...I am forever grateful that I can!

I felt touched that a community in this day and age are still powerful enough to come together and spread love not hate, love will prevail and evil will not win! More communities need to be this connected and maybe just maybe the world may be somewhere worth living...

I felt like I was back at school in Mr Lalor's History class quietly expressing my passion for history, but this time no one would judge me and instead they'd be keen to listen to my knowledge! Tudor history is my favorite and this old cottage is like a time capsule back to the days of beautiful gowns and fantastic feasts rather than the frail shell of world we are left with today...

I felt at peace, that I could finally just relax and forget about reality for a moment, I was able to allow my mind to be calm and just enjoy my time without being targeted by feelings of edginess and uneasiness...everything was perfect just for a small amount of time! 

I felt like I finally meant something to someone, and that they were proud to have me and show me off! In my time I've been no stranger to people shying away from me and being embarrassed to have me by their side! But finally for the first time it's nice to have someone who will have me just the way I am ...

I felt grateful to have this lil toilet brain in my life, we may fight like cats and dogs but at the end of the day nothing can sever the bond between sisters, not even distance! Whenever this one needs me I will be right there at her call and i'm sure the same goes in reverse, Im so proud of the people we have become...

I felt like I could be special and be me and not be laughed at for having traits beyond my control, for once I was believed when I used my supernatural gift and not made to feel like a clown! Having people around you who are accepting of you no matter what strange talent you are blessed with is the best feeling in the world, being believed makes you feel just that little bit more normal...

I felt so blessed to have people in my life who will stand by me no matter what, even in my darkest days these people will be there to guide me when I can't find my way! Those people are rare and when we find them we have to make sure we do not let go...

I felt like I could let out my inner child for a moment and just have fun, let go of all my responsibilities and things weighing me down and just live in the now! It truly is the place dreams are made of, a beautiful escape from reality...

I felt just so damn lucky!! There is truly no other way to describe it! I am so lucky that I have what I have, family really is everything! 

I felt proud to call him my dad! Not many people can pull of an outfit like that but he manages to, there truly is no one like him! No matter what we throw at him he always manages to jump the hurdle, I couldn't think of a more perfect role model to learn from! 

I felt on top of the world for a split second and that I was capable of anything, nothing is ever impossible! The very word it's self says "I'm Possible", we just have to figure out how to make it so! Life is all about learning...

I felt like I never want this feeling to end! Forever is a long time to stand by someone, but at the same time forever still is not long enough! For the first time in my life i feel genuinely protected and safe, standing by me when I'm such a handful deserves a medal...but i hope it never ends! Please don't ever get sick of me...

I felt like an explorer! Everything was new to me and it was such a fun atmosphere to be in, there is so much out there just waiting to be discovered and I intend to see it all! 

I felt like I belong, i found myself again and where I belong! Family really are a powerful weapon, if you find them you find yourself! I'm blessed with the most amazing family, no we are not perfect but who is? perfect is boring anyways! 

Finally... I felt the happiest I have ever been in my life! It's easy to feel lost and not know what the hell you are doing but when that happens you just have to clear your mind and find direction! with the right people by your side you will find your way again...even the greatest of explorers get lost once in a while!